Posts Tagged ‘hockey moms’

God’s third mistake

Monday, February 1st, 2010

From page 28 of The Poodle: An Owner’s Guide to a Happy, Healthy Pet by Virginia Parker Guidry, here is the most Zappaesque story ever:

Duc proved himself a clown one evening at a “pompous” dinner party. He had been left upstairs, in case some of the guests did not like dogs; one senses that he may have been somewhat provoked by this slight. Meanwhile, at dinner, the subject of the famous white Poodle was raised; just as his owner was about to expound on his greatness, in walked Duc, all dignity and elegance — with an enema bag in his mouth! As if in the show ring, he marched around the table and out of the room, tail wagging.

edit: Speaking of Zappa, here’s an ironic news story about his hometown (or rather, one of his several hometowns).

another one bites the dust

Monday, January 5th, 2009

So last week Claiborne Pell died. This Providence Journal article from 1995 is a good summary of the career of the former US Senator from Rhode Island (surprising, given what a shit publication it is). A relevant quote:

“It’s very fundamental in politics to be what you are,” says Sen. John H. Chafee. “‘To thine own self be true.’ Don’t be out there dropping your g’s and trying to get into a ‘dese and dose’ way of speaking to be one of the guys.”

But perhaps more germane to Poetariat’s interests was Pell’s suitably Lovecraftian interest in the paranormal. From this Discover article on the reverse speech phenomenon:

A couple of years ago Oates met with C. B. Scott Jones, a former Navy fighter pilot who was on the staff of Senator Claiborne Pell of Rhode Island. Thanks to a demonstration using his own speech, Scott Jones was convinced that Oates has really got something here. A few months later, during the Gulf crisis, Oates told him that press conferences and speeches of high U.S. officials, when played backward, kept yielding the name Simone. Scott Jones wrote Secretary of Defense Dick Cheney, warning him that if Simone was a code word, the cat was out of the bag (or, at least, the tac was out of the gab).

One thing that was soon playing backward in Washington was Scott Jones’s career on Capitol Hill. Pell, a Democrat facing a fight for reelection, dropped him. Now Scott Jones heads the Human Potential Foundation, whose mission, he says, is to fund research that is not being funded anywhere else. (more…)

girls say LATER to boys who say NADER

Friday, October 31st, 2008

(unless they look like James Spader)

Hi! It’s been over a month since Poetariat’s last dispatch, so here are some brief notes in lieu of anything substantial:

a) Smokehouse is working on what will be one of the greatest literary masterpieces of all time. You will see it if and when she decides you’re worthy of it.

b) I have been avoiding the Blog-O-Sphere (it sounds like a Devo song when you write it like that) due to my distaste for constant lovebombings in favor of deus ex machina chicagoensis. I was going to vote for Nader, who has captured the elusive yet all-important Druid vote, but then I heard that women will deny me access to the magical Skinner boxes between their legs for the next four to eight years if I do that! And naturally I believe that all civic choices should be made on a libidinal basis… which is why I voted for macho man Mike Gravel in the primary.

c) I haven’t written any worthwhile poetry lately (besides the title of this post), but soon I’ll probably post some other stuff I’ve been doing. I’ve been working on another one of my drawings, but maybe I’ll also serialize an album of music if I feel like it.

Palin-drome number 1

Monday, September 22nd, 2008

Because “All I saw: Wasilla” was too easy:

fuck off, I’m voting for Nader

Thursday, September 18th, 2008

This year’s Olympics of Banality are turning out AWESOME. Here’s a poem about consumer politics in America, specifically the pathetic Obama movement. I wrote most of it a few months ago. It’s in all lowercase with minimal punctuation because I didn’t want the typography to interrupt the doucheflow. It’s still pretty rough, but that’s the nature of topical political poetry.


i’m convinced barack is a new kind of politician
my obama sneakers are limited edition
i got an obama vinyl figurine from japan
i circuit-bent my speak and spell to say “yes we can” (more…)


Thursday, September 4th, 2008

Here’s a poem I wrote in like 5 minutes, about a year and a half ago, about that magical subculture where furversion and adult baby fetishism intersect. It’s pretty terrible, but you’ll like it better when I turn it into a song. I’m thinking of programming it in Pure Data and making it sound like a Shaggy song (the anti-scansion lends itself to reggae chanting) produced by Iannis Xenakis and DAT Politics.

You’re worse than those people who think that they’re Druids
It couldn’t possibly get any more disgusting without somehow involving clowns, hemorrhoids, or unorthodox bodily fluids

When your peers are going out to shitty bars and dressing spiffy
You’re busy at the Anthrocon in your fursuit getting yiffy

Saying “goo goo ga ga” and crapping your diapers
If you met 50 Cent, he would probably bust a cap in your diapers

All your friends are furverts and otherkin
Hey, at least you’re not a Republican