do this

Do you live in Rhode Island?

Do you think that the state needs to stop interfering with people’s private lives?

Do you think that when a proposed law is advocated by the police, the Attorney General, and the Catholic Church, but opposed by every significant civil liberties and human rights group, that’s usually a sign that it’s a bad idea?

Do you think that Roger Williams had the right idea when he came up with the whole “separation of church and state” thing?

Do you think there’s already enough Mafia activity around here?

Do you dislike it when hookers get beaten by pimps, raped by cops, and murdered by the Craigslist Killer?

Do you think the state is already spending too much on incarcerating people when we’re broke and everyone is unemployed?

Then you should call your state legislators and tell them that they need to keep prostitution legal. You can find some compelling reasons to do so here.


If this country’s news media were rational and not preoccupied with trifles, the ALL-CAPS front-page headlines every day would be the following:


…and probably also NSA MONITORING ALL INTERNET TRAFFIC. Anyway, here’s some other news I’ve been meaning to write some blog posts about for the past few months, but I’m a procrastinator, so now most of it isn’t news anymore, but I’m still linking to the articles since you may have missed some of them:

drug decriminalization in Latin America
FBI can “assess” any individual without suspicion
British high court rules that seven paragraphs describing the torture of Binyam Mohamed should be released, Obama administration predictably objects
two-year-old denied health insurance for being too small, rape is also a preexisting condition; meanwhile, Obama not demanding public option, even though 57% of Americans favor it (but honestly, I can barely keep up with all the hourly changes in the status of the public option)
ASCAP thinks you owe them money for “public performance” of your ringtone
Remind me never to move to Virginia
REAL ID is back
Irish Peace Prize winner calls Obama award “sad”
Obama administration considers phone companies “an arm of the government,” Congress an appendage to executive branch
the alternative economy Continue reading “news/olds”

feeding the trolls

Giving Barack Obama the Nobel Peace Prize is like giving Sarah Palin an award for her compassion toward rape victims.*

Seriously, it’s Norway‘s biggest dick move since they forced Iceland to convert to Christianity. I think this would be a good time to recall the immortal words of ODIN:

Give praise to the day at evening, | to a woman on her pyre,
To a weapon which is tried, | to a maid at wed lock,
To ice when it is crossed, | to ale that is drunk.

–the Hávamál


*Although perhaps it’s appropriate that he be given a peace prize named after a munitions manufacturer. So maybe I should say it’s like giving Sarah Palin the Roman Polanski Compassion Toward Rape Victims Prize… which, in all honesty, would be totally great.

shit sandwich

OK, so I was going to write another diatribe against the American power elite and their toadies in the media who channel popular resentment into astroturfed poot, but I didn’t want to type that much right now, and also I have priorities, so how about that Prisoner remake, huh?

If you’re like me, when you watched the original Prisoner, you kind of liked it, but then you thought, “You know how this could be better? They could have Jesus play Number Six and deliver all his lines like a Republican, and then they could move the whole thing to the desert, put everyone in T-shirts and jeans, and score it with reality-TV music!” Because come on, people, irony is for Eurotrash. This is Straight Talk Express country.

(Seriously though, Americans are fine with irony, as long as it’s used to tell them how hip they are when they vote for center-right presidential candidates.)

Also, did you notice that they gave Number Six a love interest? Because when I think Number Six, I think chivalry, don’t you?

I have responded to this development by creating my own Prisoner remake, which is currently playing a sold-out theatrical run IN MY MIND. In keeping with the original series’ prescient depiction of the neotenous trappings of authoritarian systems, my remake is scored by Takako Minekawa, Kiiiiiii, Polysics, OORUTAICHI, Obakejaa, Salk Vacchin, YMCK, DAT Politics, Gangpol und Mit, and Wobbly. Oh, and there’s also some skweee and early Fin.K.L. All characters, regardless of age, are dressed as exaggerated stereotypes of historical youth subcultures, to illustrate the theme of Faschismus ohne Gleichschaltung. Number Six is alternately played by undead Patrick McGoohan and Mike Gravel, who occasionally freezes time to break the fourth wall and talk about the military-industrial complex. Basically this remake explores many of the same themes presented in Suicide Club and Privilege.

Also, did you know that Poetariat is over a year old now?

after the gold rush

My friend Jason received another feline communiqué from the extraterrestrials:

Joey spoke to me again; this time it made no sense at all:

“Self-awareness is self-delusion. The man in black sees all. Humanity has reached its end; the cetaceans demand it. The star vibrates. Feel the lion purr as it inherits the earth. The seeds have been planted; now wait for the harvest. Enjoy the ice but not the cream. Time to go home. Love.”



See also parts 1 and 2, or read about another person who received messages from domestic animals.

(Come to think of it, I was once writing an essay for homework in high school, got stuck trying to think of what to put in the concluding paragraph, and then took a nap and had a dream where my cat told me “just bullshit it.” It was good advice.)

suing someone for a blog post is totally not psychotic

So you may have heard about this awful court ruling. Basically an anonymous blogger referred to a model as a “psychotic, lying, whoring, still going to clubs at her age, skank.” Keep in mind that this blog had “only five posts on it, all written on a single day.” So naturally said model, who is Canadian and therefore adheres to the fucked-up attitudes toward free speech prevalent there (not that we don’t have a fucked-up attitude toward free speech in the US as well), and who is not at all a crazy litigious bitch, sued Google to find out who the blogger was, so she could sue him or her for defamation. Also, she thinks people hate her because she’s beautiful. What did Laurie Anderson once say about that?

So I was reading the news stories about this and found a surprising number of articles taking Cohen’s side, including this charming piece from the reliably inane Feministing (if you’re in the enviable position of never having read anything on Feministing, here’s a brief summary). It’s so totally empowering to think of women as delicate flowers who need the State to suppress speech (this tactic has never ever had unintended consequences) to protect them from the silent Holocaust of internet trolling, which is right up there with gang rape when it comes to crimes against women. After all, what good has anonymous speech ever done? KEEP STICKING IT TO THE PATRIARCHY, FEMINISTING.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

So I just went on [I was waiting for a computer to render some stuff, bitches], and in addition to telling a Frenchman that Napoleon Dynamite was “American cinema at its finest,” I had this delightful exchange:

Stranger: I’m guessing you’re against black metal? (:
You: No, my church has a special black metal liturgy for kids like you.
Stranger: lmfao..
You: It’s on Saturday night, right after our Juggalo Service.

watch out for your overcoat

Hi! I’ve been absent from the Blog-O-Sphere lately due to my Protestant work ethic. I was going to say it was due to my Viking work ethic, but generally the Viking work ethic involves getting some slaves to do it while you sit around, drink mead, and vomit in people’s faces.

But here are some links that may be of interest:

Sibel Edmonds has a relatively new blog, which is a must-read for anyone interested in issues of freedom, authoritarianism, secrecy, and empire. I recommend reading this post quoting Russ Tice on the real story behind the proposed US Cyber Command.

And here is a wonderful Youtube video of three bands I love: (respectively) P-Model, Hikashu, and the Plastics. I think the last performance was one of the first things I ever saw on Youtube back in 2005 or so due to my Plastics fixation, but the rest is new to me. Speaking of Hikashu, their leader Kohichi Makigami has an excellent solo album that you can find here. The last song on it is absolutely stunning, with one of the best opening guitar lines I’ve ever heard. And don’t miss this amazing video of one of his vocal performances.

But anyway, Poetariat is not dead, nor does it smell funny.

I want a garden where the flowers have no flowers

Here’s an article about what passes for poetry at the White House. I personally prefer Barack’s own poetry (only the cave-ape one — the other one is tl;dr unless you read it as thinly veiled geronterotica, in which case TTJO).

Speaking of the dawn of man, some scientists think that Neanderthals went extinct because our ancestors ate them. The scholarly contributions of Author Kiss My Ass were surprisingly accurate.

Update: Placentas buried under avocado trees.