My friend Keanu von Fagerström wrote this short story, which is somewhat reminiscent of the Icelandic sagas about outlaws:
(EDIT [July 10]: It just occurred to me that this story is also uncannily similar to the ancient Egyptian Tale of Two Brothers, from the 13th century BC. Seriously, read the synopsis [or read the entire story, or, for all you “traduttore, traditore” types, here’s the original Late Egyptian]. According to Robert Coover, the Tale of Two Brothers is basically about male castration anxiety. So there you have it: Keanu von Fagerström unwittingly proves Freud’s theories.)
Chow-Snork Cunthrob
Once upon a time, Chow-Snork was wandering the woods which surrounded his home. His home was among a small tribe of 60 or so Pixies. It was a quiet and slow-paced life. The tribe was governed by a hierarchy of elders, central among which was the patriarch, Henry-Humphrey. While on this walk he came upon an orangutan with a snake head. Chow-Snork was taken aback, as he had never encountered such a strange creature before. “Fear not!” the snake-head hissed. “I have come to give you a gift, which will show Pixies what they are meant to be.” The Orangutan Snake creature disappeared, and Chow-Snork looked all around, but he was gone. Chow then looked down and noticed a red, spotted mushroom was in his hand. Chow didn’t recall picking it up. “Was this the gift the Orangutan Snake was talking about?” he wondered.
Chow decided to take a bite of this plush and vibrant-colored truffle. It tasted much like other mushrooms, but had a unique sourness to it. “What do you have there?” a voice from behind him said. Chow-Snork Cunthrob turned to see the wife of the chief elder. “A mushroom. Would you like a bite?” he offered. “Sure,” she said, taking it from his hand and eating it. “In all my years I’ve never seen this variety before; where did you find it?” Chow-Snork didn’t expect her to believe him, and answered that he found it growing on the side of a fallen tree. Continue reading “Chow-Snork was banished, and he was penisless.”