Here are three biographical poems about important individuals of our time. I wrote them in early 2008. They’re not really clerihews, but what the fuck:
1. Richard Kern
Improper kerning can make porno pomo,
But if you don’t like Kern, you must be a homo.
[I realize there are plenty of homos who like Kern, but what can I say, I’m phallogocentric.]
2. Mitt Romney
I may be omnisexual, but I’m not Mitt Romneysexual:
My youthful raging hormones don’t extend to aging Mormons.
You lived in France at the same time Godard did,
And anyone who voted for you must be retarded.
3. Sofia Coppola
It seems that you operate with the belief
That film is a shallower shallow relief.
No amount of film school could save ya
And I wish I could punch you right in the labia.
Your droll essays for aging hipsters
Carved your niche as a tiresome quipster
Don’t be so quick to think you’re the favorite son
Amy’s by far the most interesting one.
TAG IT NPR, BITCH.
Right alongside such other immortal poetic moments as, “I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world,” and, “I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical mad,” the line “…I wish I could punch you right in the labia” will echo throughout literary history.
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